So I’m going to try to talk about other things. Well today I got my Monroe ring changed. So that’s a plus and then me and my mom went out for froyo and in math we got to pick our seats and im next to Maddie. But now Miley has to sit with us. I would much rather have Sam.

Holy damn. Everyday. Falling harder and harder. I can’t breathe anymore I just need you. For maybe at least one more day even if you just talked to me and said sorry. Said something I fucking need you. I honestly can not see myself ever getting over you. I just can’t. Oh well ill update you on James. WHERE DATING!! Hahahahhah jk he doesn’t talk to me and he ignores me. Nice right? Not even in the halls anymore. He doesn’t even say hi anymore. Oh and with the boys falling into Maddies lap well Yuuup she’s talking to this conor there going to date and jake is telling her he likes her again. Fuck my life. I need out

I hate you

i keep telling myslef im going to message you but i never have enough guts and even when i get enough to click on you name it always goes to offline….

so yestarday maddie texted me saying “ik you like james but he’s been texting me alot lately and calling me beautiful and that he wants to hang out and liking my pics on fb but i want you to know that i don’t like him like that” FUCK YOU , your scum like everyone else like she’s my bestfriend she just broke up with your bestfriend like wtf… what the fuck do you think “oh hey lets go fuck around with some more girls feelings” LOLOLOLOL FUCK YOU. ugh. why me i have no luck with guys at all. i hope when you see me it gives you hell. when i got that text i got drunk by myself. well o other news im going to mariah’s on wendsay so that’s good. i even told her that i liked you well gottah update her on things. i colored my hair tonight i dyed the tips red and put some red highlights on top. just fuck im so sick of being screwed over. guys just fall into maddie’s lap i tryed so hard to flirt with james i talked to him first and put myself out there so he can just push me down and go after my bestfriend like really i know you didnt know but its just my luck isn’t it.

i’ve moved on. i like james. me and mariah are friends again. i smoke alot. i talk to james some times and don’t pussy out. i can finally stand up for myself. but yet my life still feels like it’s breaking.


so last friday i saw you. you were at the football game. i wanted to cry. i couldn’t. and it made it so much worse that maddie wasnt there she was off with jake. i was with jess and i just couldnt do it so many things were going through my head. i want to die. i know you saw me. i went inside with jess and was talking to bree (abby’s sis) and this jillian girl. we went and bought a frescha then spiked it in the bathroom then we walked out into the hall and you were there with abby and kassandra and i didnt feel like having be awkward so i stayed and we all drank . i want to die. fuck. james. james talk to me please.. please

im broken and breaking forever. i know your at our new school and i hate thinking that you probably dont ever think of me..but i know you dont your at your new school with all your new people.. just remember me for one second..please

so you and casey broke up. the past two days in art i’ve been on the brink of tears over you. rachel doesnt make it any easier. i worked pretty hard on a drawing when the i showed emily and rachel says “awh mary that’s not very good”. like what was i supposed to do..? i just erased the whole thing. yesterday em was telling us stuff about her and this guy she was having issuses with and it reminded it of me and you.. so it was awk cause then i really started relating it to you and me like how we hooked up and never talked again. i mean atleast emily’s guy texts her.. but with me and you no contact at all. then today em went to go show me and maddie a picture of her and autumn. then when she like went to pictures a picture of you popped up and i honestly almost died inside. i was really upset. i dunno i don’t think i can deal with rachel anymore she like just isn’t my favorite person anymore.. i really can’t stand her.. ugh like sorry im not the best artist alive im in 9th fucking grade it can’t be perfect like yours can. sorry. im just always sorry. im sorry i act like that in art making other people sad. im sorry that i still think about you. im sorry that im not perfect. im sorry i can’t be with you right now. im sorry you talk to all these other girls but not me..im sorry

so i spent the week at maddie’s and guess what you texted her. she was like who’s this i typed in the number and “chandler lackey” popped up.. cooooool i was actually stayed together i didnt really know what to think of it she said “are you getting jealous.?” i said no because i wasnt really sure what to think of it then she said “if meower (i dont want to share his name thats her story not mine) was texting you right now i would be pretty mad” but i said yeah but its not really like hes been talking to me lately so i guess i couldnt really be mad but i never really was mad i guess i was just …hurt, hurt of the whole situation i wonder how you and your girlfriend are doing..i hope good:/ just because im unhappy doesnt mean other people should be too.. i mean yeah im trying to be a better person. my phone just went off and i had a glimpse of wonder that maybe it was you..:/ but no it wasnt just facebooky im just trying to be happy right now. im just noticing how im the start of this i typed different and now i think i like gained trust in this tumblr using names now and typing correctly but im not going to use people’s names that dont need to be here like meow no need to start telling other people’s stories on here this is my story about you. i just feel like i need to talk to you again to like just have some closer i think im going to tell maddie about this tumblr… dont really know:/ well i guess im done for now

bye

i cry everyday at least once not exactly about you but i get upset about something then i relize wow.. no one’s here to say it’s okay or to calm me down or anything you were the closest thing I’ve had to that.. i could tell you so much just because i wanted you to notice me but you didn’t.. you never did you told sarah you didn’t even like your girlfriend anf if you still went to quabbin you two would be lovers..? k..just forget about me completly.. i just relized i wonder if you were fucked up and don’t remember anything that happened? i really hope not be no.. please.. PLEASE talk to me..please that’s all i really want anymore just message me or text me or something..?)’: i miss you chandler.</3